Well, it appears that I am running behind all of my blogging buddies, as they have moved on from Thanksgiving to Christmas, but I wanted to take this opportunity (I have the day off and the house to myself) to reflect on November and the day we have officially coined Thanksgiving. I have many things to say on the subject which may be of little significance to anyone who happens to take the time to read this blog but I hope to those of you who stick with me, this post will be an encouragement, as it is intended, rather than received as a person rant, as it can be interpreted.

In a somewhat cliche fashion, I want to start by listing a few things that I am especially thankful for. This is by no means exhaustive, as I am discovering how truly blessed I am and have decided that to try to express my thanks for all that I have been given would take an eternity, literally.

My Heavenly Father, His Son, and Holy Spirit

I am not really sure how to express this at the moment. My heart is lost, broken and far from the LORD. However, I do know that everything else I am about to list has come from Him and Him alone. I am so overwhelmed this season by my own depravity but His Goodness shines on me still.

My Husband

Brian and I have our problems, something I have considered blogging about but have decided that it would be best not to at the moment (but I am willing to talk in person about it if you'd like). However, I know that Brian loves me. I know it by the sweet look in his eyes he has every morning that we wake up. I know it by the passion he has for me, although its often very hard for me to accept it (my love language is anything but physical). I know it by the way he talks about me to other people. I know it and ever so thankful for it.

My Growing Child

Although this pregnancy was sort of an oops, I am filled with joy in the truth that God has a plan for this child; that God created this child on His terms and that this child is EXACTLY the way God wants him/her to be. There is no way around this. God CHOSE the sperm that would enter the egg, the one and only sperm that could combine with my egg to create the exact person that is growing in me. Any other sperm would have created a totally different human being and that BLOWS my mind. How could anyone deny God when they think about life and creation...but that is a topic for another day. I am so thankful that everything appears to be going well with the baby's development; that the heart beat is right on; that I am measuring where I should be; that I am doing well (other than this cold I've had for a week). I could just keep going but I'll move on.

My Two Furry Children

Many people don't understand how I feel about my dogs. They don't understand that I love them like I believe I might someday love my children. Now obviously, children are different, and I know I WILL FEEL DIFFERENTLY about them, that my love will be stronger for them. However, the love that I have for my dogs, my children, runs so deep and I am so blessed to have them in my life. Maybe some of you can relate to the feeling that even though you have had a bad day, you've totally messed everything up and nothing is going right, that your dog still loves you, still needs you, is still excited to see you, still wants to cuddle you, etc. They are a light in my life and my world would be a little darker without them. They were there for me when we found out I was pregnant and things were really really rocky. They are a blessing to me.

Supportive Mother, In-Laws and Friends

I am thankful this season to have such a supportive network of people. I am not particularly close to anyone, which breaks my heart but again that is a topic for another day, but I do know that if I needed anything, that there would be people there to help me and for that I am thankful. If I were to cry out, someone would hear me and know my pain and wipe my tears. I'm thankful for a mother and mother-in-law who don't judge my choices about this pregnancy and who are not critical of everything I do. I am thankful for a father-in-law who I know with all of my heart is going to be the BEST GRANDFATHER a child could ever hope to have. If we have a girl, she is surely going to be a grandpa's girl and show her the kind of love I never got from the men in my life. And if we have a boy, he will have a father and a grandfather who can show him what being a man means and help him to explore the world by using his mind and his spirit!

My Mid-Wife

I am thankful for her quietness. Every other doctor I have been to has been so willing to listen to their own voice for whatever time I had with them, that I have never really felt heard. Barbie is an amazing woman and so very kind. She has a particular view of the world, like any medical person would, which I do not always agree with, but I know she still respects me. She comes off as a loving grandma to me, which I think I will very much appreciate come March.

Well, that concludes my list...for now. I plan to blog about what I am thankful for more often, especially between now and Christmas. My goal is to make thanksgiving my focus from now until December 25th and, hopefully, even beyond.

That brings me to my next point. I was very disappointed to reflect on my thanksgiving experience. Only one during the day did we take the time to give thanks to God for the many blessing that He has given us, which was said over the thanksgiving dinner at my in-laws house. Although I appreciate this gesture, looking back on it, I am disappointed. I am disappointed how my mind thought only of the food I would eat and the conversations I had.

It got me thinking today about what our lives would look like if we truly gave thanks for all that the Lord has done. What would our lives, our marriages, our world look like if on a DAILY BASIS we poured out our spirits in THANKSGIVING to the Lord? By NO MEANS am I suggesting that we be artificial people, with happy plastic smiles. I've tried living in the stained glass masquerade and it killed my spirit for a long time. But I am talking about living our lives in reflection of the blessings God has given us. Consider with me Psalm 13. Even in the darkness David sings about God's faithfulness. Even in the pit of despair, need, hoplessness, God is GOOD. Let us trust in His unfailing love, let our hearts rejoice in His salvation, let us sing to the Lord for HE HAS BEEN GOOD TO US.

Anyway, that isn't really all I have to say but I hope it gets you thinking. I don't know what the answer to my question is. I don't know what this world would look like if we lived our lives in Joy and Thanksgiving, because I never have but I want to know and I am going to seek it out.

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and I hope you take the time out everyday to give thanks to God for all the rich blessings He has given us.

With Love,